This is where I freak-out all over the place.
Tomorrow, at 2:30 p.m. I’ll be walking into my first job interview in two years.
HOLY CRAP!
Right now, I feel like I want to vomit. Thank goodness I have a package of saltine crackers hidden in the back of the file cabinet.
I’m not nervous about the interview itself. I don’t know why it’s so easy for me in this type of situation. Probably because they aren’t judging me so much as they are judging my work. For some reason that is a lot easier for me to deal with. Or, I’m full of crap right now and have absolutely NO IDEA why I act/feel/do the things I do.
Why am I nervous this time? This is a question I know the answer to! I’m freaking out because my dream has never been to become a teacher. At times I dabbled in the teaching profession. I was a substitute for a year and a half, a summer school teacher, a long-term substitute. It was fun. I even went so far as to begin a credential program, but didn’t get to finish as I couldn’t find a school that would hire me, and the program I was in required us to be employed as teachers.
If I get this job I will be making a 3-year commitment to something I never really wanted to do. Will I end up feeling trapped? Will I hate it as much or worse than I hate working for my dad?
I’ve been praying like crazy for the last several days for some sort of guidance. Was the call from the lady at the credential program this morning my sign that this is the path I’m supposed to be on? Is my gut churning nervousness a sign that I’m doing the wrong thing?
I just don’t know.
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