Write Girl, Wrong Place

Things I’m Diggin’

1. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog - Funny, musical and action-y! What’s not to love?
2. Baking - I haven’t talked about it here yet, but I just may have some hidden homemaking talents.
3. The weather - after last week’s 100 + temps these low to mid 90s are feeling good!
4. The Puppini Sisters - after hearing their cover of Walk like an Egyptian on the Grey’s Anatomy finale, I tracked them down and had to download some of their songs.
5. Watching my favorite 80’s TV shows on Hulu. I loved me some Fall Guy when I was a little kid. I totally had a crush on Howie.
6. Getting to hang out with Jillicious and little Dexter this afternoon! I think it has been a month or more since I’ve seen them.
7. My tan. Swimming every afternoon (with sunblock) really helps warm up my naturally super-pale skin.
8. Playing Chocolatier for free over on Yahoo! games. I’ve been playing for three days and I still haven’t beaten the game, I love a challenge.
9. Customers paying large invoices in cash. I just like to look at all that money.
10. My nails. They’re actually growing nicely and not breaking and splitting every time I touch something.

Things I’m NOT diggin’

1. The foxtail that worked its way into Buster’s ass region. The vet had to dig it out this morning and now I have to apply ointment to the ass-wound twice a day.
2. The giant pile of clean laundry accumulating on the bed in second guest room/office. At some point I’m going to have to stop digging what I need out of the pile and actually put the clothes away.
3. My hair - all of the swimming has left it very dry and icky-looking. I just want to cut it all off.
4. Being poor. Yes, I’m doing a good job of getting bills paid and being a responsible adult but it was way more fun to just spend with no thoughts of the consequence. At least until the bills came due.
5. Lack of shelves for all of my books. I “found” four boxes full of books in the garage this weekend now all of the books are stacked neatly on the kitchen table until I figure out what to do with them.
6. Trouble sleeping at night - for the past week or so. I’m always so tired.
7. Reality TV - yes I do like a few shows (Project Runway and The Next Design Star) but most of them are complete and utter crap.
8. Podcasting technical issues :(.
9. My hair. I know I already mentioned it, but I’m really, really not liking it right now.
10. Missing BlogHer because I’m co-hosting a baby shower this weekend and OF COURSE the only weekend the 3 other hosts could do it was this weekend. Not that I could have afforded to go anyway.

Things the make me go “hmm…”

1. The reemergence of Jelly Shoes on the fashion landscape - really shoe making people? Did you have to bring them back?
2. My tomatoes - I’ve got tons of green ones just hanging on the vine and not a single one shows signs of turning red any time soon.
3. Math - I just don’t like it.
4. Boys - I just don’t understand them.
5. Oscar - walking right up to Buster and swatting him int he face for NO REASON! WTF Oscar? Do you have a death wish?
6. My faux-furminator - I don’t know how it works so well, but I have noticed a huge difference in the amount of cat hair all over my clothes in the last couple of days.
7. Taco Bell - it tastes so good going down, but then I get sleepy and heartburn-y.
8. Why I have so many shoes, but wear the same pair of flip-flops every day?
9. Imagining what I would do if I won the lottery. I think about that a lot. Especially if I’ve remembered to buy a ticket.
10. Dust - it gets EVERYWHERE!

He’s been with me for a week now and aside from the giant Lake Urine I discovered next Mount Poo-poo the first morning it’s gone extremely well.

This was taken last night after his bath. For a dog that spends the majority of the day inside he can really work up a stink.

I heart that little doggie! Moving him in was the best spur-of-the-moment decision I’ve ever made.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Actually, no I haven’t. But I have woken up to the fact that I really, really hate my job which in turn makes me do it poorly. The poor job performance drives my dad/boss insane. Insanity turns into anger, anger into yelling. The yelling reduces me to tears, the tears eventually give way to seething disgruntlement and to bring us full circle, to me not doing a good job.

Until very recently (this weekend) I’d thought I’d finally caught on at work. I hadn’t cried in months and though I still got yelled at a couple of times a week, for the most part it was because my dad/boss was mad about something out in the shop and taking it out on me (a frequent occurrence). This weekend though, the rose tinted glasses were knocked off of my face when my mom told me that I should start looking for a new job as my dad/boss has had it with me. I was stunned. I thought we were getting along better than ever. Like I said I hardly ever cry anymore, and the yelling had all but ceased.

After my mom told me I hit rewind on my brain and reviewed the last couple of months at work. I noticed that I spent a lot more time doing things like reading books, playing games and watching movies at my desk. Last week I watched an entire season of Charles in Charge on Netflix. The week before that, I read three books.  When I got to work yesterday morning I took the time to actually look around at the office: the floors needed vacuuming, a layer of dust covers every surface and my desk is a complete mess. No wonder my dad/boss hates me. I sort of hate this person I’ve become.

None of my former employers would recognize me today. I’ve become a lazy good-for-nothing.

I need to make a change.

Tomorrow I’ll even wear close toed shoes so I can vacuum with out sending hundreds of tiny metal slivers onto my feet. I may even dust!

Pray for me people. I need to get my self respect back or I’ll never get a new job.

P.S. I almost didn’t write about this but I think I need to public humiliation to keep me accountable. Feel free to ask me how I’m doing ever now and then.

My brother and new sis-in-law just stopped by at work. They got back from their two week Hawaiian honeymoon late last night. SIL looked more relaxed than I’ve even seen her. My brother seemed the same.

Unfortunately, also the same between the two of them and me was the thick wall of tension. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m still not really over what happened. As much as it must have sucked for them and as many times I told myself, “They’re not purposefully trying to make me feel like the biggest looser on the planet,” the process made me feel that way.

Am I being too sensitive?

I can’t help how I felt. I did my best to be helpful and willing. Yes, I may have grumbled to you, dear internet, but I made sure to put on my happy face whenever I was around them.

The whole situation kills me, emotionally.

My mom doesn’t really get along with her sister. SIL’s mom doesn’t get along with her sister either. Though I think my mom would like to have a better relationship with my aunt, SIL has told me that her mother doesn’t really care to have one with her sister. I do NOT want to become like them.

I don’t want my brother and his family dreading my coming over for holidays or feeling like I couldn’t just stop by if I was in the area and they were home and I’d love for them to feel the same way.

Before the torturous intervention, we used to hang out a lot; dinner, movies, and stuff. I haven’t spent any time with them since Mexico.

Granted, I was miserable in Mexico and didn’t really bother to hide the fact. I’d spent the week leading up to our departure looking for someone, anyone with a passport to come along as my vacation buddy. In stead, I spent the majority of our stay holed up in the hotel waiting for my brother to call and tell us what we were supposed to be doing that day. It would have been more fun if he’d just left us to our own devices and we all could meet up for dinner at night but my mom saw it as time for brother to show us around the city he’d learned so much about from his many visits with SIL and her family.

Oops, got side tracked.

So they’re back. I want them to love me because they want to. Not because I’m they’re sister and they have to. How do I go about getting that to happen?

::UPDATE::

SIL just called to invite me over for dinner and to help open gifts tonight. She called me sister, I got all warm and fuzzy. I’m such a freak! Don’t mind me. I get weepy and paranoid when I don’t have enough sleep.

My muse.

After an entirely too long hiatus my muse is once again in residence and I’m writing.

After the soul sucking process of churning out my thesis/novel I hadn’t written anything other than blogs in a little over a year. Until yesterday that is.

It was awesome!

I opened up a blank Word document and words and characters started coming to life. I still haven’t found out my main character’s name but a few of the bit players formally introduced themselves. Daphne, Ben and Julia have come forth so far. The wily main character has quite a voice though, and she’s not at all afraid to be emotionally raw and very honest. I’m stoked to get to translate her story to the page.

Along with spurring my fiction writing my muse has been on overdrive giving me ideas for blogs. It’s like s/he went on some amazing year long vacation and came back full of inspiring tales from her travels. Hopefully I can do the ideas justice. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the quality of writing has gone way down around here lately. At times I was tempted to end it all delete the whole blog. But then I would look back into my archives and talk myself into waiting out the slump.

I’m so glad I did.

Thank you, readers for joining me.

It is hot.

According to Yahoo! weather it is 92 degrees (I can’t find the degree symbol on my laptop. Do you know where it is?) outside right now and as I sit in my office with the door open to the outside for light, a fan aimed at my legs and the wall unit air conditioner I’ve got set on low pumping in slightly cooler (if oil scented) air from the shop, it feels only about ten degrees cooler in here.

So, yeah. I’ve not felt like doing much of anything. Even blogging takes energy (not that you’d think so reading some of my latest posts - bad-um-bum!) that I need just to remain upright at my desk halfheartedly pretending that I’m not really reading a novel or watching classic movies (I love you Netflix, will you marry me?) on the computer.

I’ll probably have to turn the A/C to cool in a little bit as my legs are beginning to stick to the leather of my desk chair.

Back to the heat. My house is a mess. I get home from work, change into my swim suit and get directly in the pool. Sadly, I get bored pretty quickly swimming alone so I usually drip dry while watering my poor wilty tomatoes and squash before heading in to lay prostrate on the couch falling into an exhausted nap. I’ll typically wake up an hour or so later starving and ready for another round of swimming. Depending on what I have readily available dinner is usually a bowl of cereal or ice cream. Who wants to actually eat real food when it is this hot. Also one has to have food in order to cook it and my cupboards and refrigerator are almost embarassingly bare right now. Two consecutive months of $200+ electric bills will really put a dent in an already tight - to the point of cutting off circulation then tightening some more - budget.

Did I mention that I thought it would be a good idea to move Buster in permanently? Still no dog run. I just love him so much and have found myself scouring Craigslist for free puppies. Because why? Oh yes, I’m INSANE! I figured it would be a good idea to actually try living with my dog before getting another. I know I’m brilliant.

I picked him up from the ‘rent’s house yesterday (after leaving work an hour early) and while I was liberating a six pack (actually only four because I didn’t want to be greedy) and looking for his leash I forgot to get any of his food. I didn’t think it would be a big deal as he had a bowl full at my place from the last time he stayed over. I didn’t take into account that he might eat every bit of it as soon as we got home. Crap. It was too late for me to run to the store because I was expecting people over to swim (Treble, GrumpyBear & Fam, and Treble’s cousins (who I’ve decided will be my new friends as they live in this town and I like them)) any minute. Luckily, I had hamburger defrosting for the spaghetti I had planned on making for everyone that didn’t get made because GrumpyBear thought she owed me dinner and her husband really wanted pizza so we ordered pizza, so I was able to throw in some rice with the browning hamburger and whip up some home made dog food. I think he’ll have enough to last until I can get him food on the way home from bible study tonight.

Oh my after rereading that paragraph I think I’ll go now. Apparently, the heat also make me wordy and a little bit stupid.

Enjoy!

* Taking a page from the Kitty’s Book of Spelling.

My dad is sad. I think I know why.

He just got here (work) a little over an hour ago after dropping off his oldest sister, aunt and uncle at the airport. We have sort of a weird family tree back in the Midwest. My dad has two sisters, older and younger, and two step-sisters, both older. I was in college when I found out that the Grandma I always thought of as my dad’s mom was really his step-mom. I never felt like she or my aunts didn’t love me just as much as my other cousins.

Wait, I’m getting off track, as usual. My great-aunt, who went home today, is my dad’s biological mother’s sister. She has always been a part of my dad’s life, as far as I know.

I think my dad is sad because he knows that this morning could have been the last time he ever sees my aunts or uncle. Living as far away as we do, years tend to go by between visits. I’ve been lucky enough to get back there more often than the rest of my family and it is a good thing there isn’t a whole lot to do and see there because most of the time is spent visiting family and I love it.

Last April my great-aunt’s brother (my great uncle) died quite suddenly. Yes, he was almost 85, but he still lived alone and took good care of himself, so his passing came as a bit of a shock. Of course my parents flew out for the funeral, and several more times throughout the last year for various reasons regarding his estate. Before that, I think it had been several years since my parents had been back.

Now, everyone is getting older, my generation is having kids, the older ones of my generation have kids graduating high school. Circle of life and all that jazz.

The meaning of this whole mish-mosh of a post is that I love my family. I love my friends and I want to make sure they know that.

I also wanted to remind anyone who is reading this to let YOUR family know you love them. Especially the older folks we tend to think will always be around.

P.S. Just call me Debbie Downer today.

So, um, sorry about that last post. It was quite dire and melodramatic, wasn’t it?

Let’s blame it on the 950 or so miles I spent in the car in the last four days. Or the fact that I had about 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night in the same four days. A little of the blame probably should go to society as well for making me feel like a big looser because my little brother got married and I don’t even have a boyfriend. Nothing like seeing a lifetime of old-maided-ness spread out before you to really mess with your head.

The wedding was beautiful.  Even though the page and a half (single spaced) To Do list I was shown after the rehearsal freaked me out and made me wonder what the heck the bridesmaids were for if I and the other NON-bridesmaid were taking care of all of this, the wonderfully helpful staff at the country club actually took care of almost everything on our list before we got to them. So, yay! I did have to pop up from dinner a few times to take care of things but overall I had a great time. Lot’s of dancing and hanging out with my fabulous cousins. I still looked terrible in the dress, but my hair and makeup looked good.

I held it all together, running on adrenaline and In-n-Out, until 7:53 tonight. On the way home from my parent’s house I lost my sh#t. It was The Weepies song Somebody Loved that pushed me over the edge.

When I get it together I’ll blog about it.

Until then…